Thoughts...

Not about the house today.  Although I've got about 5 posts to write on that...
(Disclaimer: This post got rather lengthy. Sorry about that)

I attended an incredible weekend conference in Ft. Worth about a month ago. Not a touchy-feely, humor-filled women's weekend.  A kick-in-the-pants, call-to-Biblical-womanhood kind of women's weekend.  I came home with tons to think about, think through, and deal with.  I realized today that I seem to have been under attack since that time.  Now, I understand that Satan tends to up his attacks when we're walking more closely with the Lord, but is it possible that there's also something else at work here? Is it possible that the struggles haven't really intensified, but that I'm simply more aware of them? More in-tune with the warfare around and in me?  Wanting to respond more correctly to the Lord? James? my girls?  And being reminded over and over that I am depraved by nature and completely incapable of doing the right thing. ONLY by the grace of God can I demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit. 
During the conference, Nancy Leigh Demoss shared a piece of wise advice: When I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, HALT! and run to the Lord!  I thought, "Oh, that's good. I'll tuck that in my tool box for one of those days..."  Well, the more I think about it, that piece of advice applies to each and every one of my days.  I am ALWAYS tired and frequently hungry and angry, although rarely lonely. :-)  SO, I need to HALT and RUN to the Lord!

That being said, He has been faithful to teach me some things in the last month, particularly pertaining to my children...

How often have I, in an effort to distract Charis from wanting to go the park AGAIN, said, "Not today, sweetie. We'll do that later."  I have had no intention of following through on the promise.  Or, I'll say, "We'll make those paper snowflakes tomorrow," while in the back of my mind thinking, "Yeah, I don't see that happening any time soon."  What a terrible pattern to set for my children. I am pretty sure that she can see right through me. That she knows when I'm not going to follow-through.  And what is that telling her about the Lord? That He is not faithful. Which, of course, I know to be entirely untrue!  I want to be faithful, to be trustworthy, to be truthful.  So, I have been making it a point to answer her directly. "Sweetie, we cannot go to the park by ourselves. Mommy is not comfortable handling 3 little girls by herself at the park. We'll have to wait for a good time to go with Daddy."  "Okay, we are going to make those snowflakes on Monday."  And you know what, we did.  And had a great time. 

Secondly, I find myself getting so frustrated with Gwyn, feeling like I've told her for the 30th time today not to open the desk drawer and get out the markers.  And I've probably told her 5 times, in reality, but have I required her to experience the consequences of disobedience yet today?  If I just keep telling her to stop, if I just keep raising my voice and getting more irritated, why in the world would she stop? That actually would be fun -- to see how irritated Mom can get.  Until I stop, after the first time, and deal with the disobedience, I cannot expect her to stop.  And I find myself a whole lot less frustrated throughout the day, and I'm pretty sure she's less frustrated too. Amazing what a spanking session can do to right a bad attitude or restore a strained relationship. 

Thirdly, Charis has suddenly developed a hearing loss. "What, Mommy?" "(blank stare)" "(disobedience)"  I have found that teaching her to listen better has caused me to analyze my listening skills. How often I tune out my girls, not noticing until they've said "Mommy!" for the 10th time.  Seems pretty clear to me that they learn that pattern. Why should they listen the first time if I don't? Now, I know that we can and must still call our children to obedience even though we are so frequently disobedient ourselves.  But, I'm saying that I take the opportunity to deal with the log in my own eye WHILE I'm dealing with the speck in hers.  I am called primarily to teach her to obey the Lord, and what better way to teach than to live it before her.

In the midst of these struggles and joys and learning and small victories and weariness, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:28-31.
28 Do you not know ? Have you not heard ? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable . 29 He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. 30 Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, 31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength ; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

God is so faithful to uphold me.  Why do I even try it on my own?  I get the feeling I'll be asking myself that question until I'm 90...

UPDATE:  Charis actually had double ear infections. Poor thing. Never complained...  So like the Lord to use even that to teach me.